What makes trauma ‘trauma’ is the presence of shame.
“Shame, boatloads of shame Day after day, more of the same.” Do you also love this Avett Brothers song?
In our first episode of Story Matters Podcast Season Three (Episode 27) we are starting a short series. We dive into the complex and often misunderstood topic of shame. We've noticed a pattern: shame isn't merely a consequence of our actions—it's frequently the hidden driver behind them. This realization has profound implications for how we understand human behavior, trauma, and healing.
Traditional conversations about shame, particularly in Christian contexts, often position it as something that follows sin—the feeling that washes over us after we've done something wrong. However, what if shame actually precedes our harmful behaviors? What if it's the very thing that pushes us toward destructive choices in the first place?
When we examine the Genesis narrative closely, we see something fascinating. Before Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, the serpent planted seeds of doubt about God's trustworthiness and their own sufficiency. "Did God really say...?" This question introduced a relational rupture, suggesting they might not be enough as they were. This feeling preceded their disobedience. Their sin was an attempt to resolve the uncomfortable feeling of inadequacy the serpent had introduced.
This pattern continues in our lives today. We experience a moment where we feel small, inadequate, or evaluated negatively. This triggers shame and to escape this feeling, we reach for our "fig leaves"—behaviors, achievements, or numbing mechanisms that help us feel better temporarily. Some of these coping strategies may be sinful, others merely maladaptive, but all stem from our desperate attempt to cover our perceived inadequacy.
Understanding shame as a precursor rather than just a consequence revolutionizes how we approach healing. Instead of merely addressing sinful behaviors or trapping cycles, we must examine what made us feel insufficient in the first place. What was the relational wound? When did we first feel we weren't enough? These questions lead us to the root rather than just whacking at the branches.
What makes this perspective particularly powerful is how it illuminates the connection between shame and trauma. Ryan coined the phrase, "What makes trauma ‘trauma’ is the presence of shame." Traumatic experiences shatter our sense of safety, but it's the accompanying shame—the feeling that we are somehow broken, tainted, or unworthy because of what happened—that gives trauma its lasting power.
The Psalms repeatedly express the fear of being "put to shame," revealing how central this concern was to ancient people. This wasn't just about embarrassment but about the fear of rejection, abandonment, and exclusion from community. Our deepest fear isn't pain or even death—it's being cast out, deemed unworthy of belonging. This explains why the fear of public speaking (or reading aloud) often ranks higher than the fear of death in surveys; one threatens physical existence, but the other threatens our social existence.
As we move forward in our series on shame, we'll explore practical ways to recognize and address shame in our lives. We'll examine the shame-grandiosity cycle, the connection between shame and the binds we find ourselves in, and pathways toward healing. But for now, we invite you to consider: Where in your story did you first feel small and inadequate? What "fig leaves" did you adopt to cover those feelings? And what parts of yourself are you still working hard to keep hidden?
By becoming "shame-informed" rather than just "trauma-informed," we gain powerful insights into what drives our behaviors and relationships. This awareness isn't about wallowing in past hurts but about understanding the roots so we can truly heal. When we bring our shame into the light—especially the places where we feel most vulnerable and childlike—we create space for genuine transformation.
