Barbie, the Therapist
“The real world is hard. Humans created Patriarchy and Barbie to cope.”
-Ruth, the Creator of Barbie
We can learn a lot from “Stereotypical Barbie” if we will sit a few minutes in her story. But as a warning, to do so will spoil the ending of the movie if you haven’t seen it yet.
I watched on the big screen “Stereotypical Barbie” experience something I have seen both personally and professionally with clients. I also heard a profound statement made by the creator of Barbie that I think deserves our attention. And, I observed Barbie making an important decision that could be an encouragement to all of us. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie while I was also discouraged by the portrayal of men. I can relate with those who want to champion the movie and those who hate it. I think it’s an important film to see and I hope my observations will be received by people in both camps. *I use the term “therapy” intended to include other terminology such as: counseling, soul care, and coaching.
Barbie happily lived in a world that was perfect, predictable but sadly, fake. Barbie’s fears and negative thoughts were not welcome in her world. When she mentioned her thoughts of death, the community’s shame worked quickly to make her recuse the mention. Staying silent about her fears didn’t work because her body soon showed the signs of a problem that couldn’t be ignored. She was encouraged to go talk to “Crazy Barbie” (who was one of my favorite characters). Similar to humans beginning a therapeutic journey: what Barbie thought was a horrible situation was actually an invitation to get support, discover dysfunctional systems, experience new emotions, see the brokenness of the world, meet some amazing humans, name truth and become a beautiful human herself.
I believe that therapists can’t take you further than they have been themselves in their stories of grief, loss, trauma, awareness and healing. So her journey in the “Barbie Movie” illustrates how Barbie would make a great therapist!
Watching Barbie feel things for the first time was like sitting with clients who are beginning to name and express their negative emotions for the first time. Sadly, there are a lot of families in the real world that have the same relationship with negative emotions as Barbie World. Barbie would touch her tears, feel her aching heart, see an aged woman, experience mockery and confusion - but somehow embrace it. She named the complexity of tears feeling bad but good.
As Ken and Barbie entered the “real world” - something bigger was happening as they felt new feelings. Barbie was breaking out of a system she had been deceived by while Ken was becoming a student of a system that looked very attractive to him. Both of them felt liberated and ready to make changes. The wise words of Ruth, the creator of Barbie sums up the theme of the movie, “The real world is hard. Humans created Patriarchy and Barbie to cope.” It was in a conversation with Barbie who was fully aware of the bind - being caught between two very dysfunctional worlds. The quote was quick and easy to miss, but deserving of our attention.
Coping mechanisms are in essence a trauma response. From Big T to small t traumas, from subtle to overt responses - it’s important to recognize them in order to not get stuck in them. Everyone has their own particular coping mechanisms based on the particular challenges they faced. Our style of coping seems helpful at first because it is usually developed in childhood when we feel powerless and nobody is teaching us healthier options. Later in life, however, we harm ourselves and our community if we live in these trauma responses instead of finding solutions that honor our pain but don’t cause more.
The Barbie movie is addressing the systemic problem of unequal, confusing and harmful roles of men and women. This is portrayed in satirical ways throughout the movie, but best articulated in the scene at Crazy Barbie’s house when Gloria (the human woman) gives her monologue. It was hilarious, sad, true, frustrating, heart warming, timeless and triggering. It’s the most talked about scene in the movie! The bind women live in can not be fully blamed on patriarchy because women’s envy feed the fire. But the Barbies see the connection which leads to their ideas of how to turn the Kens against each other.
While this discussion was happening, Barbie was overwhelmed by her new felt emotions and felt powerless to see the changes Ken had made in his liberation. She was having her moment of melt down and complete disassociation - that is part of her story. She was totally unequipped as “stereotypical” Barbie, raised in a feminist world avoidant of negative emotions and void of mothers or fathers. This is when the Barbies hatch their creative plan to restore Barbie World. As funny as it was, sadly the plan was not an effort to honor both women and men. It was a restoration of power - a repeating of old destructive systemic segregation. At this point, the story is in desperate need of a real resolution. Barbie, the unexpected hero rises up to personally become a solution to the problem, not a polarizing cause for more problems.
She came out of her grief and confusion (this is key to why she’d make a good therapist) to do the hard work of naming the flaws of Barbie World’s system while also acknowledging the gender role crisis in the “real world” was in fact real and tragic. Therapists help people do precisely what Barbie was doing. She faced the sad truth but did not blindly hope a trauma-informed coping mechanism would make it all go away. In facing the reality with compassion and curiosity, she becomes the hero!
She admitted her own participation in the system’s dysfunction which led to being sympathetic to Ken. She helped him become more confident while not being co-dependent of his need for her. After she had experienced the sadness of the real world, embraced the feeling of her tears, heard the bind of the role of women, seen the destruction of her good intentions (that could be another blog post) she became a healthier human than most real humans. Her integrity, healing and growth were displayed - first in her relationship to Ken (men). Then she begins the life-changing conversation with Ruth.
When Barbie believes Ruth’s words that the feministic, plastic world of Barbies and the harsh world of Patriarchy are both results of coping mechanisms - she had a hard choice to make. She clearly proves that she does not approve of either world’s status quo. She embraced the reality of death and sadness in order to become a human. That is the only world where she feels hope to make change. She illustrates the truth when therapists say “tears are the gateway to healing.” She doesn’t want to live in a fake world where tears aren’t welcome, nobody has real genetals, and half the population are homeless (the Kens). She chooses death and therefor real life. She chooses the complexity and suffering that come with having a vagina - the brilliant ending of the movie. Maybe the mother/daughter relationship inspired her! She steps into a world where she believes there can be a third way. She wants to cure the “real world” of harsh and confusing patriarchy with something other than the feminism of Barbie World.
By choosing to live in the real world, Barbie chose to embrace the trauma of the hard world. She knew the answer to a broken patriarchal world was not a feminism world. Answering evil with evil did not feel like a solution to her. She chose to enter a world of dying because that is the only way to truly live. She had hope that tears are blessed and that love can heal humans. I’m with Barbie in her desire for women and men alike to be empowered, equal, unique, cherished and respected.